Guilty.

I’m charged guilty because 4 years ago, it was brought up again today and everything makes sense when a friend explained all it to me. 

That i also did a mistake. 

I didn’t lived up to my word. 

That i was afraid back then to be rejected, but ends up getting it. 

He did that because he wants to be even. 

He already knows way back when it started. 

If my friend is right, it was just like a typical high school love story that was cut short because someone didn’t make a move. Someone was afraid. It was just blossoming, and then it end. Simple, yet tragic. 

But why, and this question is one of the big questions i want to be answered : Why I must make the move ? why not him ? why not them ? Am i not worth fighting for ? I can’t help to think if there’s something wrong with me. Why can’t i be the girl that receives flowers, sweet gestures- love, instead of the one who asks for it ? the one who is pathetic to need it ? 

Well, past is past. What’s done is done. And now, i don’t want to live my life having regrets, because maybe, our ‘ friendship that could lead to something’ was cut short because he’s not the one for me. I would  prioritize myself first, because as what the saying goes, good things comes to those who wait.  

To him…. 

I’m sorry if I didn’t proved my feelings to you, because I was afraid. Believe me, I want to save you from those things they say against you. I was a coward. Maybe because of my feelings to the previous one- I didn’t tell him and instead saved the friendship, because I was afraid. Thanks to you, I become more braver and be open to changes, even if it includes rejection. I learned that it was only a puppy love, and despite what happened to us, It’s a good thing that I met you. Hope you are okay right now. May the two of us deserve the best things in life. 

Thanks for the memories. I’ll never forget you. 

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