I personally think that when someone gives an effort for me, even if I’m pushing him/her away, I would be forever grateful to that person, and I would be loyal to that person. I think only my high school friends, aside from my family, knows who I really am when i deal with people. You may think that I’m just a quiet, ordinary girl living in the shadows and the typical sweetheart- but no. When I get close to someone, I become mean to them, sometimes distant to them – to see if that person won’t give up on me. Before, i easily trust others, but now I’ve set a wall high enough to keep me guarded. Not because I’ve been betrayed by someone, but because of all the horror I’ve been witnessing around me- my friends talking about their plastic ‘friends’ and how they suffered because of it. Listening to their stories, I thought that I must avoid it. I know that there are some circumstances in life that can’t be avoided, but once it happened to me, I’ll be prepared.
And now…. someone has again given up on me. That’s the thing about me…… I’m quite close yet distant to boys, because of all the things that’s been happening around me. Girlfriends weeping over their two-timer boyfriends, douchebags around the corner, in short, more asshole guys are coming, which made me realize that life is not what I’ve expected to be.And I also realized that it’s better to wait than to be with a guy who’s not worth your standards. Yes, I’m an idealist and I don’t consider ‘ crushes’ as love. It’s only lust. And I won’t – and never enter into a relationship that will take out my individuality. No way. I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic before….now I’m still one but more guarded. More cautious. And more matured.
Yes, It’s sad that he gave up on me, he didn’t personally said it but that’s how I feel. I know that He’s not yet the right one for me. Maybe Fate is willing to make my wish come true- that my first boyfriend would be also my last. I hope it will.