Nightmare.

I never imagined that I would experience this.

I don’t wanna post it here, but now…here it goes.

January 10-11 2015 : Orientation. 

These two days are the only happy part of my short corporate life. I was overwhelmed – being accepted in one of the biggest companies,meeting new people and formed acquiantances, and learning a lot of things about my company. I thought that was the start of something new- something magical. And it turned out that it was a nightmare ‘ dressed like a daydream’.

My first day was last January 9 2015. I didn’t expect that i would be stressed out so much, given the fact that it was only my first day – and was scolded by my devil manager. Well, why did i called her devil, you’ll know it later. When i was scolded, at first i thought it was funny and weird – because she told me that I was slow and i must learned my duty instantly. Like, What the fuck ?? I just started – and wow, did they gave me a job description ? No. And for godamn sake, I’m a fresh grad. Like, calm the fuck down, it’s my first job. That time, I was assigned at time keeping and good thing was ( we’re three people in timekeeping) my co- hr assistant and my hr supervisor are kind and funny. And they already warned me about our hr manager, that my ‘ experience’ from her is not yet the real score. That’s she’s bitchy more than i thought. I shrugged it off, thinking that they are just over- reacting, and maybe my manager would be kind to me in the following days. Boy, I was wrong. REALLY WRONG.

During my first week, I became uncomfortable of my environment. I didn’t expect that working in a mall is like this. Food and drinks – even music is not allowed inside the office, and many more. I won’t mention all the details but one thing I felt is that,the company have no trust on their employees. Yes, rules are rules but still. I’m not really comfortable on how they treat their employees. And another thing – we have only one rest day – yes, we work from mondays – saturdays + working on special holidays. And for our devil manager ? try to be absent – even for medical reasons, you’ll be given a violation. How unfair was that ?

As if those things are not enough, I was suddenly transferred to recruitment in the HR office ( timekeeping is separate from HR office ) and that was the start of my worst nightmare. Guess how many we are in the whole human resource department ? SEVEN. INCLUDING THE MANAGER. Well, Six technically since one hr staff is on sick leave. That’s why our work load is beyond the normal, which means more overtime and more pressure. I understand that they are few and they needed help. But my manager makes me feel that its all my fault. I thought that maybe, if I would stay humble and try my best, it would change – things will be better. But no. It became worse.

Not only my manager is mean to me, but also the other hr staff (except in timekeeping). It was hard, and I can’t learn how the recruitment works all in one week without mistakes.I never experienced being bullied like this, although I was bullied during my elementary and high school days, but i realize that it was all some part of a joke and immaturity. But this – this is different. I was bullied by PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE. Wait, scratch that, I was belittled  and DISRESPECTED by PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE. I tell these horror stories to my parents – and they told me that I should resign. Believe me, I want to but I was hoping that those people would be good to me. I was fucking hoping. I became a martyr for 3 weeks. I endured it all – being scolded and shamed publicly, not including me to a meeting and it turned out that they are talking ABOUT ME  and was waiting for me to just AWOL ( absence without leave). I cried every night, and I was wondering why God let this all happen. Did i do something wrong ? I feel worthless. It was like, I wanna go back to school again. I didn’t graduate for this shit. All those expectations was turned into disappointments. And it really hurts. It fucking hurts.

The breaking point for me, is that my manager even included my parents and my school for my mistakes in work.That’s the first time I was shamed to the highest point. Not even bitches in my high school and college did that to me. I didn’t know how I managed to be quiet at that time. Maybe because I want to maintain my professionalism – and my parents always taught me to be humble no matter what. And my manager said those things to my parents ?? I can’t believe what’s happening. I can’t believe that I’m talking to a manager. AN HR MANAGER.

I resigned a few days later – the last week of January. Of course, many people were shocked – including the guards. And I regret nothing. As what my HR supervisor told me ” many opportunities are waiting for you. Just forget this. Forget all of this. Don’t think that other companies are the same way too. Its just that, unfortunately you worked in this company. ” My mom made a complaint to the head office, and guess what, THEY ARE AWARE OF MY MANAGER’S UNPROFESSIONALISM. ( i forgot to mention that before i worked there, 3 had resigned because of my manager. my HR supervisor and some staff is planning to resign too ).

I won’t tell the rest of the story but man, after i resigned and leaved the company premises, it was like I woke up from a bad dream. Like you finally escaped from a monster. I don’t care what they think of me – the important thing is, I left. That was a traumatic experience for me. My confidence was shattered. It came to a point where I want to give up – that I don’t want to work anymore. But thanks to my family and friends, I realized that what i experienced there doesn’t define who I really am and what would be of my future. I also realized that in every decision that we make, let’s not forget to think about it carefully, and not be blinded by fantasies. I was blinded, because I thought that working in that huge company would make me popular and it would look good with my name, but no. What matters in a company is the people – the employees there. It’s useless if you work in a huge and popular company but you don’t feel accepted by those around you.  Lastly, everything have a purpose. The good side to this ‘ nightmare’ is that i had enough experience in HR and I know now how to deal with a mean boss and bitchy staffs. One thing that I would promise to myself and to everyone that I won’t give up or lose myself because of this. Like what the saying goes ‘ this a minor setback preparing me for a major comeback’.

To my ex manager and to all those bitchy staffs,  

I hope you are all happy now. I ‘m angry yes, but now I’m trying to forgive all of you. For my ex manager, I hope you realize that what you are doing to your staffs, IS WRONG. If you are having personal problems or whatever, WE HAVE TOO. ALL PEOPLE HAVE. So don’t include other people in your misery. 

And for those bitchy staffs, and you ms ‘ C’, ………… tigilan niyo na ang pagiging sip sip niyo. Wala kayong patutunguhan. utang na loob. Tinagalog ko na  para in case na mabasa niyo to, tagos sa puso niyo. PLEASE ACT LIKE PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE. PLEASE.

From your ex- HR assistant, moving on and not giving a damn on all of you. 

 Revenge is sweet, but karma is sweeter. 

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