Torn.

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Browsing on the net awhile ago, I saw this quote that tells who I am exactly today.

I think I’m stuck between who I am and who I want to be.

I want to be a stronger person, someone who would make right decisions, someone who always look on the bright side, someone who would never give up. I want to be the person that is not afraid of anything. A person who lives her life the way she want it to be. And guess what, that person is so far from who I am today.

Okay, I’ll be honest, I’m being pessimistic here. But It’s true. I want to break free, to show who I really am but I can’t. Not only because of fear, but those people around me. I can’t seem to my love my work, and everyday, whenever I come home, the tired feeling is more worse compared to my school life. And the worst part? Is that everyday, I came to realize that I can’t escape. That I need to accept the new environment even if I know myself that I don’t fit there. I can’t seem to trust them even if they are approaching me. I know they are trying, but It’s getting difficult. I’m homesick. I wanna go back to my old life – maybe not as a student, but to the world where I felt belonged. Where I can show who I really am without being judged or rejected. I know I’m moving and that I’m not supposed to be sad or anything, but I feel incomplete. I feel that I’m getting far from my dream – to be in the field of the arts or being a web designer. I don’t know what to feel anymore.

I badly need advice. I need some color in my life.

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