Lost in the dark.

My corporate life has been a mess in the past 2 years and these past week made me realized what huge mess I’ve done in my workplace.

I opened up about my feelings to some office mates and my boss, that from the start i didn’t like my job, and that I was just forced to work because of my parents- they want me to be a corporate employee like them. And surprisingly, they are aware that i don’t like my job whereas i thought they don’t give a single fuck about me. As expected, my boss is disappointed at me and i don’t blame him. Everything he said to me was right. That I was unfair to myself and also to them. They love their job, they give their 100% in their work while I’m not, because I don’t like my job. And that passion comes out naturally and you can’t force yourself for loving something you don’t want.

That’s when I realize that I’m really, really fucked up and I almost gave up.

But I didn’t.

I’m still fighting. What’s done is done. This time, this is now all about myself. There’s no time no cry, to lose hope. I know that i cannot make up for those mistakes but we can start again right? My boss even advised me that my 30-day suspension would be my time to apply for another job that I will truly enjoy- no matter how difficult it is. From that, I felt relieved. There’s still hope and the game is not yet over.

It’s time to stand up, self. Β This will be all over soon.

Stars can’t shine without darkness.

– D.H Sidebottom

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