Some realizations

Me and my college friend met last October to catch up on what’s happening with our lives. I shared to her what really happened to me in the past months, which apparently was my darkest moment this year. I was surprised that she wasn’t so shocked like my other friends when i told her my story , maybe because were quite on the same page. Both our parents didn’t understood what we really wanted in life – to work in the field of art. The only difference we have is that she fought for her dream while I just accepted the fact that maybe, corporate life is really for me. But the most surprising thing of that day is when she told me that she and my other college classmate are jealous of me.

They thought that I was having the time of my life – working in a large company, earning money every month, etc. They thought that I enjoyed corporate life and made new friends. They thought that I was living my dream, which is in reality, was a nightmare. A living nightmare. I felt sad when she told me that she felt sorry for me, that she wasn’t there when i needed help. I assured her that none of it is her fault and the blame is all on me, because i never told anyone, not even my parents.

That’s when i realized that we can’t really judge someone based on what she have, and everyone is battling a fight everyday.  I never thought that my friend is experiencing depression-anxiety, and we’ve been friends for almost 5 years. As i write this post, i hope that someday, me and my friend would finally live the dream we’ve been waiting for because i know that we deserve so much more.

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Recovering

5 months have passed since I left my previous job at makati and I’m slowly getting up,  which honestly is difficult for me. Moving to a new place and meeting new people is surely not easy because you got to start all over again. The worst part is, I’m afraid that what happened to me in my previous job would happen all over again because I’m still stuck in the job that i really hate : a secretarial position.

My life since college has been difficult for me – i didn’t like my course which is psychology, my first job was a nightmare and so does my second job. Now’s my third job and i realized something – that corporate life is not really for me.

What i really want is designing or something that would involve music – a career that I could express my talents, the real me. Sadly, I can’t find a job that’s really for me because my course is tied to either as a psychiatrist or in an industrial setting. I’m really confused right now whether i would pursue studying graphic design because I’m not getting any younger, i need to be in right track  now.

I’m disappointed at how things turn out however, i realized that God is really making things happen. My first goal this 2017 was to transfer to a near workplace with a higher salary and fortunately, it happened 🙂 The second goal is what i need to work out right now – to study graphic design and maybe use my designing skills here in blogging or have a part time job online. After that, my third goal is to be a graphic designer or a layout designer and that’s the time I would finally leave this stressful, robotic job.

I remembered what my dad told me after relating to me the story of my tita which currently resides in Canada. My tita had a difficult life before she and her family moved to Canada. They lived first in her husband’s home and she and his family are not in good terms because his family always depends on them, to the extent that whenever they would decline their request, they would get angry.

My dad said that if that didn’t happen, maybe she won’t think of leaving the country and settle in Canada. He added that sometimes, all those hardships that we faced in life triggers us to be a better person and to strive for a better life. I realized that maybe that’s what God is trying to say – i need to leave this kind of job because it’s not doing good for me. Maybe i need to change my motto right now. Instead of “Good things comes to those who wait”, i’ll change it to “Good things come to those who hustle.”

I’m still fighting and i know i can do this. I’ve been through many shit , how come i can’t survive this one?

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

Sept 29th

It’s been a year and a half since we started our secret clique, the ” We Deserve Better” gang. We went to Mall of Asia last Friday for our late birthday duties: A dinner treat from me and a dessert treat from my friend, Jam 🙂

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My Dinner Treat @Ramen Nagi

After dinner, we rode the MOA eye ferries wheel and their vikings 🙂 We are like high school kids as we scream at the top of our lungs but who cares? And it’s been a long time since I’ve rode that ride, the last time was 2012? i think and I’m with my HS clique, the melamanrene.

We had a dessert at Icebergs Restaurant and we had a long chit chat of my life in the past two months. It was quite ironic since we are having a sweet dessert while telling them the most bitter part of my 2017 life.

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Mango and Vanilla Dessert Treat

Little did i know that they also had a hard time in their corporate life most especially my friend Jam. Our story are quite similar because she doesn’t love her previous job. I thought that maybe God let these happen to us to make us realize how difficult it is to do something you don’t love and losing a job. I decided that I will pursue what I really wanted in my career life : graphic designing.

They were shocked when they learned my experience and they can’t believe how i manged to survive that. I almost cried while I’m telling my story and I felt relieved that despite of all those things that I’ve done, they understood me. I’m so lucky to be their friend 🙂

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#roadto2years 

We are planning again on an overnight holiday in Tagaytay this November + summer travel next year. Hope these will all happen. 🙂

#WeDeserveBetter

Lost and Found

I was once lost,

nearly for 2 long months.

My suffering seems to last forever,

far away from my happy ever after.

 

I’m on the way of redeeming myself,

from all those great mistakes.

I promised myself that I will turn a new leaf,

and face life without fear.

 

My prayer has been granted,

and I’m now back on track.

I may not change what happened in the past,

but I could start all over again.

 

The lost sheep has been found,

her shepherd is now proud.

The past was just a minor setback,

and now’s the time for her major comeback.

 

 

Haz lo que te haga feliz

Awhile ago, I’ve met with my college friend of 5 years and I told her the real happenings in my work place. She also related to me her previous corporate experience, how she realized that its not really meant for her and decided to pursue her passion- multimedia arts.

I was inspired by her experience because she followed her heart, and I can see that she’s enjoying what she has right now and never regretted it. While here i am, disappointed on how everything turned out in my career, full of regrets.

I know you will think I’m immature, sensitive or what but yes, if that’s what I am then i really do. I finally realized that i don’t care right now at all and I will pursue what I really want in life- to apply in a company near our house, in a position where I could really show my strength, and study web design. My friend is right: If you don’t love what you are doing, then stop it- because it’s pointless if you continue doing it.

I’ll start submitting resumes tomorrow, I really mean it right now. I can’t stand working in my company for another year. I’m so sick of my Job, all the people around in my workplace, everything. It’s not helping me.

I’ll promise that this year, I’ll make my goal happen: to do what makes me happy. 2 years is freaking enough. I’m already done.